


Stars Above

by RavenclaOwl



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F, F/M, Hogwarts Eighth Year, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 07:41:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29805138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenclaOwl/pseuds/RavenclaOwl
Summary: Hermione and her friends are back at Hogwarts for an extra year of studies. But the war has left many scars, and when Draco Malfoy approaches her and wants to be friends, Hermione just gets more confused.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Hermione Granger/Pansy Parkinson, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Luna Lovegood/Ginny Weasley, might be some others too
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	1. A windy evening

**Author's Note:**

> I have chosen not to use archive warnings, mainly because I don't know which might apply. I haven't really decided where to go with this story yet. But it will probably be a bit about ptsd and suicide thoughts, since it's after the war. Maybe there'll be mentions of past violence too - I'm not sure. I'm not planning to kill off any characters, though, so there's that :)

I took a step forward. Another step. Now I was standing right at the edge. Above, a dark blue sky covered with stars. Below, a long drop and then a field of grass and flowers. The wind was strong up here, and I almost stumbled. I wondered how it would feel. To just lift my foot, lean forward, and fall. I wouldn't have to deal with all the harsh words, the sleepless nights, the memories of my parents. I raised my foot, but I couldn't do it. I had to keep fighting. Just falling, that would mean... It would mean giving up. With a sigh, I sank down to a sitting position, feet dangling over the edge. The stars really were best viewed from this tower. That was probably why the Astronomy lessons were held up here. 

I pushed my dark curls behind my ears, and opened my book. It wasn't a textbook, but a muggle novel. Some nights I studied, but this night I just wanted to relax with a good book. I was just about to open the book, when I was interrupted.

"Hello there". I whipped around, my wand already out of my pocket and pointing toward the person who had startled me. A person with blonde hair, pale eyes, and, unusually enough, half-smiling, although it didn’t reach his eyes. Usually when I saw him, he was sneering. 

"Malfoy", I sighed, lowering my wand, but not putting it back in my pocket. Even though he had helped at the end of the war, I still didn't trust him. 

"Granger”, he said, and gingerly sat down beside me, peering down the edge. “Awfully long way down.”

“Yeah. What do you want?” I had never before been interrupted when reading at the Astronomy Tower, and I didn’t like it one bit. I glanced down at my book, wishing to disappear in it again. 

“Look, I know that these years… I mean… The relationship between us Slytherins and you Gryffindors have always been sour, but I thought that now after the war, that might… That is to say, I was wondering whether-”

“Hey. What’s wrong?” Never had I ever seen Malfoy stumble so with words. He always knew exactly what to say. Malfoy turned his face toward mine, and I looked into his pale eyes. To my surprise, I saw them filled with… Worry? He looked down.

“Okay. So. I’ve been noticing you coming here at night, and I thought I would come down and talk to you, and try to set things right - you know between me and my friends, and you and Potter and Weasley. But then, tonight, I saw you standing at the edge and looking down and…” Oh.  _ Oh.  _ So he had realised. I rose.

“You know what? That’s  _ so _ not your business. Goodnight!” I turned around and headed out, but he gripped my shoulder. 

“Don’t touch me!”

“I’m sorry, I just-”

“You know what?” I flipped around, and stared him in the face. “You’re one of the reasons I’m standing there every night! You, and all your Slytherin friends, snickering and calling me mudblood. When I was eleven, I hoped that when I came to Hogwarts I would be free of the racism, but instead I just got another form of it. And yes, there are other things haunting me, but all that… All my life I have been looked down on not because of who I am, but because of who I was born. And you might not think it, but it leaves deep scars. Mental as well as physical.” I pulled up the sleeve of my left sleeve to show him the word carved into my skin.  _ Mudblood _ . “So if you don’t mind, I’ll be going to bed now” 

“I came here because I’ve been standing there too”

I looked at him, frowning. But I didn’t head inside. 

“Every time I shave, holding a razor in my hand, I think about ending it. Every time I stand on a bridge, a ledge, anywhere, I think about just taking the step. I know… I know that it’s not an excuse, but I’ve had it pretty rough, too, being forced into a death eater. I have my own scars.” He pulled up his sleeve, showing the faded dark mark. Then he looked at me, eyes filled with remorse. “I’m sorry.”

Wow. Was this the Draco Malfoy I knew? Sharing his feelings, saying  _ sorry _ ?

“It’s okay”. I gave him a half smile, turned around, and walked back to the gryffindor common room.


	2. A night of thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, another chapter, yay. Enjoy.  
> Oh and I promise I love Ron, it's just, Hermione doesn't think too much of him in this chapter, just so you know.

The next evening, when I couldn’t sleep, I went down to the common room instead. Talking to Malfoy like that yesterday had been… Strange. I needed to do some thinking before I returned there, since there was a risk he would return there too.

“Hi, Hermione” I turned around and saw Harry sitting in one of the armchairs near the fireplace. I smiled softly and sat down next to him.

“Having trouble sleeping too?” I asked him.

“Yeah, and I thought that I might as well get some studying done” He gestured to the open Potions textbook lying before him, “it’s pretty hard to concentrate though”. I glanced down at the pages he was studying.  _ Memory Potion _ .

“You haven’t written the essay on it yet?” Harry looked down. “Harry, it’s due tomorrow!”

“I’ve been meaning to, but, well, time’s slipped by” he blushed a bit, and I knew he was thinking about Ginny. They’d been together since after the Battle of Hogwarts, and even if they didn’t spend as much time together now that school had started, it was obviously enough to distract Harry from his studies. I put away my novel.

“Okay then, I will help”

“Thanks Mia”

“Do you want me to help or not?” I glared at him, and he laughed.

“Sorry, thanks Hermione”

“Okay, the subject is  _ Memory Potions and it’s uses _ , so you could use some background information in the beginning, what have you written here…?” 

***

About half an hour later, the finished essay laid in front of us. Harry had actually done a lot of the work, he had improved a lot since our first school years. I fondly thought back on when I had practically had to do Harry and Ron’s school work for them at times, because they were distracted by quidditch and such. 

“Thanks for the help”

“Yeah, sure, it was nothing” I looked at my novel, lying on the table, but decided against it. It had been a while since I had talked with Harry, only the two of us, without  _ Ron _ . “How’s it going between you and Ginny, by the way” 

“Fine, I guess. I mean, we haven’t spent very much time together since we came back to Hogwarts last month. She spends a lot of time with her friends, Luna mostly - not that I’m jealous, I just kinda miss the summer when it was only the two of us?”

“And me, and the rest of the Weasleys?” We had all spent the summer at the Burrow together. 

“Well, yeah, but that was different” I could see that my attempt at a joke hadn’t cheered him up, and I frowned.

“Hey, Harry, it’ll be okay, alright?” 

“You’re probably right” He gave me a quick smile, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. Then something behind me drew his gaze, and I turned around. And found myself looking at Ron, on his way down the stairs. I turned back to Harry. 

“Well, you know, it’s late, I should be getting some sleep. ‘night” I grabbed my book and started toward the stairs leading up to my dorm. I went past Ron, who smiled at me, and I gave him a quick smile back before heading up. 

I couldn’t quite put my finger on what had happened between Ron and me. I had had a crush on him for years - since fourth year, probably, when I went to the ball with Viktor half out of spite, since Ron didn’t think to ask me. But then in our sixth year, he dated Lavender, and last year he just left us and expected everything to be  _ fine  _ when he came back. It just never felt like he liked me back. Yes, he had kissed me at the Battle of Hogwarts (as we had started to call it), but then… Well, none of us said or did anything about it. I was too scared, too afraid he might turn me down, and he didn’t do anything about it either… it was probably just a mistake to him, right? Something that happened in the heat of battle. Anyway, things had been awkward between us since, but I had gotten over him now.

I reached the door to my dorm. It was still hard to think of it as  _ my _ dorm.  _ My _ dorm was currently inhabited by a bunch of cute little first years, so I shared with the seventh years. Some had it rather crowded - I had heard that the Ravenclaw girls were twelve people in one room - but there were not as many in the Gryffindor girl’s dorm. There were four seventh years - Ginny, Demelza, Rionach, and Wren. Wren was non-binary, but I supposed they shared dorm with the girls since it would be lonely otherwise. And I was the only eight year student - Parvati had opted not to return for her eight year, and Lavender… Well, it had not been an option for her. Even though I had found her rather annoying and many times had wished for other dorm mates than her and Parvati, I missed them. 

I quietly opened the door. All the girls were sleeping, and Wren was lying in her bed, reading. I waved at them and then tipped over to my own bed, putting up silencing charms before I closed my eyes. I didn’t want the others hearing if I had nightmares.


	3. A confused day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The third chapter :) I haven't posted in a while, but here you go! 
> 
> From now on I'll be updating here, and not in the old work because that was under a pseud and it got confusing for me  
> Anyway, enjoy

I looked around the classroom, unsure. Harry was seated near the front, next to Ron. There were no other free spots near them, and I didn’t want to sit with Ron anyhow. I slid into a seat in the back of the room instead. Damn, I could have been the one sitting and chatting with Harry, if not for the fact that I had lost track of the time when reading a book in the library. Well, professor Flitwick wasn’t here yet, so at least I wasn’t late. I glanced down at my watch - a minute til we started.

Someone came through the door, and for a moment I thought it was Flitwick, but no - it was Malfoy. He scanned the room quickly, then went to my bench and put his bag down on the table.

“Scooch over a bit, would you, Granger?” For a moment I was too stunned to do anything. Then I slowly did as he asked, moving down the bench so that he could sit next to me. He started unpacking his things. 

“Why are you sitting here?” I hissed.

“Well, neither Pansy nor Blaise is taking this class, so I had no one else to sit with. Besides, it’s always a good idea to sit next to the smart one. I might learn something”, he smiled. Again, a real smile, not that half-sneer he usually portrayed. Maybe he had changed over the summer. Or maybe he was trying to trick me in some way. I decided to play along.

“What about the seventh years?” We were taking all our classes with the younger students, since we were learning the same things as them. 

“Who, Morg?  _ Harper? _ ” this time he actually sneered, glancing over at the two boys in Slytherin ties, sitting in the front of the classroom “I would rather sit with the weasel”

“Okay, then” I let his insult at Ron slide by, and opened my notebook to a blank page “Still using parchment?” I nodded at his side of the table “Honestly, it makes no sense _ whatsoever  _ to not use striped paper. And I’ll take a pen over feather and ink all days a week” He frowned at me, and was just about to reply, when Flitwick entered.

“Hello, dear students. Today, we’re going to learn a new spell. It’s called Bubble-Head Charm, and does anyone know what it does? Yes, Potter?”

“It sort of creates a bubble of air around one’s mouth, so you can breathe underwater” Harry answered. I had no doubt he was remembering the task in the lake during our fourth year, when both Cedric and Fleur had used that charm.

“Very good, five points to Gryffindor. Now, you’ll need water to test the charm, if one person from each table could fetch a bowl...” 

***

“Down, up down-flick” I murmured, as I practiced the wand movement. Then I did it with incantation, and a bubble appeared around my nose and mouth. It had a weird, cold feeling to it - not like normal air. I looked around the classroom, and saw that no other student had succeeded in casting it yet. Smiling, I flicked my wand toward the basin in front of me, and it filled with water. I dipped my head in to test the bubble. Yep, it worked. 

“Show-off” Malfoy muttered next to me.

“What?”

“Not enough with being first, you  _ had _ to cast a non-verbal aguamenti too?” He sighed, and tried casting the spell again. A few bubbles appeared around his mouth.

“Almost there” I smiled. Then I stopped. Had I really just genuinely smiled at Malfoy? I tried to wring out my thick hair, then gave up and cast a spell to dry it. Malfoy glanced at me, and I realised it had been non-verbal, again. I gave him a look, and was glad that my next class was Arithmancy, which he did not take. 

***

After Arithmancy, I headed down to the Great Hall for lunch. Harry and Ron were already there, so I sat down next to them.

“How was your free period?” I asked.

“Well, Harry insisted we did our homework, so we went to the library” 

“Huh, you two spending time in the library voluntarily…” I joked.

“Yeah, something weird happened though” Harry said “Malfoy came over to us, said he needed someone to talk over the potions essay with”

“Like we could help him” Ron scoffed, and Harry bumped his shoulder. 

“Hey, I don’t know about you but I got an O in potions last year-”

“Because of the grasy git’s book” Ron chipped in.

“-so he could very well have wanted help. But,” Harry added “he sat next to you in charms too, didn’t he?”

“Yeah… and in arithmancy, Parkinson was giving me these weird looks.” I said slowly.

“Huh”

“Maybe they’re trying to… I don’t know, mend things?” I mused “Draco did help you last year”

“Or it’s part of some scheme, and they’re trying to fool us?” Ron said.

“Could be” But something about Malfoy’s easy teasing, and Parkinson’s staring, had seemed… Different. Not like their usual sneering and plotting. I had grown a lot during the war, and so had Harry and Ron, and everyone else. As I finished my lunch, I decided to head back to the Astronomy Tower that evening. Maybe Malfoy would show up again.


	4. An evening of revelations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter for you :)

I carefully sat down at the edge. The stone was slippery with the rain that had fallen during the afternoon, and I really didn’t want to slip. Fortunately, the rain had stopped falling an hour ago or so, so I could read my book without risking getting it wet. I opened the novel, but I couldn’t focus on the words. Was Malfoy going to come? If yes, what would I say? The other day he had talked about friendship - was he sincere? 

“Hey.” A cold hand touched my arm, and I swung my head around. Staring not into cold grey eyes, but warm brown ones. 

“Parkinson,” I said. What? What was she doing here?

“Granger,” she replied, smiling smugly. Then she plopped down beside me. “So, Draco tells me this is where you hang out?”

“Yeah, this is the spot I usually go to when I want to be alone,” I said, hoping she would take the hint. Or did I? Whether Malfoy wanted to befriend me or deceive me, Parkinson was a part of it, so maybe I should hear her out. I  _ had  _ come here tonight to talk. I looked down. Parkinson’s hand was still on my arm. It was cold, but… comforting. Still, I shook it off.

“Do you think about jumping?” Parkinson asked, peering down. I jerked my head around, studying her. Had Malfoy told her? Or was it so easy to see?

“Why do you care?”

“I wouldn’t jump,” she continued. “Too messy, don’t you think? What if a little firstie found me down there? No, I would take pills. Clean and quick.” She smiled again, and I wondered at how open she was. How abrupt. We had never exchanged more than a few words before. 

“I do. I do think about jumping. I can never bring myself to it, though,” I whispered. 

“Good. Don’t jump. Don’t take any pills, don’t cut yourself, don’t do anything like that.” I looked down, but she gripped my chin, gently turning my head toward hers. “You’re one of the good ones, Hermione. You were on the right side. You defeated the dark lord. You did everything bravely, confidently, outsmarted them all. For fuck’s sake, you should be happy. You  _ deserve  _ to be happy. You get it?” Slowly, I nodded. Too stunned to do anything else. I stared into those warm eyes, the fire in them. She slowly lowered her hand from it’s grip on my chin, and then looked up at the sky, at the stars above.

“It’s just...” I started. “It’s just, it would be so easy. To let go, be free of all of this”

“Yeah, that’s it, isn’t it?” Parknison gave a short laugh “Dying takes only a moment. But living, Hermione, living. That’s the thing. Don’t forget it.”

“I won't,” I mumbled. I could feel her watching me. Twice now she had called me Hermione, not Granger. Why? No, I would think about that some other time, she had said other, more important things tonight. All of this seemed way too… elaborate and, and also honest, to be a scheme. I almost smiled. Maybe being friends with Parkinson and Malfoy wouldn’t be too bad. I had always despised how deep the house rivalries went. But, I would need to think this over. I rose, and nodded toward Parkinson.

“Goodnight,” I said. She frowned a bit, pushed her chin-length hair behind her ear. Maybe she wanted a longer conversation. Well, I couldn’t stay. I really needed some time for myself, to just think, analyse the conversation. Decide how I would proceed.

“Goodnight,” she replied, and I could feel her stare on my back as I walked towards the stairs. 

***

I slid into the common room. It wasn’t very late yet, so several people were still there, studying or just hanging out. Harry and Ginny were sitting by a table in the corner, studying. I made my way over to them.

“Hi,” I said, and slid down on a chair. 

“Hermione.” Ginny smiled at me. “Where have you been?”

“Erm, I was just, you know, wandering around, when I ran into Parkinson. She seemed quite willing to chat - it was very odd.” I hadn’t told them about my nightly visits to the Astronomy Tower, and didn’t plan to, either.

“Huh” Harry frowned. “She too?”

“She too? Who else has been acting odd?” Ginny wanted to know. Hadn’t Harry told her? Maybe there hadn’t been time.

“In Charms today, Malfoy sat down beside me, making small talk. And he approached Ron and Harry during their free period.” I told her.

“Yeah, we’re thinking either they’re sorry for what has happened during these years we’ve been here, or this is all part of some scheme.” Harry continued.

“Weird,” was Ginny’s reply to that, and I couldn’t help but agree.

“Well, Parkinson seemed quite sincere” I said, thinking about her arm on my shoulder, her eyes staring into mine… How she had told me that I was one of the good ones. Maybe… Maybe I had needed to hear that. 

“Yeah, I’ll leave the two of you to figure that out, I’m heading off to sleep” She rose, and Harry rose to, leaning in for a kiss, but she just pecked him on the cheek. “Bye!” She left us, Harry staring at her, making her way up the stairs, and me staring at Harry. I opened my mouth, but realised that he probably was about as clueless as I. The one I needed to talk to was Ginny. 

***

When I reached our dorm, Ginny had already changed into her pyjamas and was just lying down to sleep. I made my way over to her bed, and sat down. With a quick wave of my wand, a Silencing Shield was up around us.

“Hey, what is it?” Ginny whispered, looking around at our sleeping dorm mates.

“It’s fine, they can’t hear us,” I replied. “We need to talk.”

“I… What?”

“I know that Harry and I are great friends, but you’re my friend too. You can talk to me. I… I can see that there’s someting not quite… you know, what is it with you and Harry?” Ginny peeked up at me, then looked down at the bedsheets. Then stared into my eyes.

“There’s nothing wrong between me and Harry” she said defiantly.

“Not fooling me” I sing-sang, and she sighed.

“Fine. But you can’t tell anyone” 

“Promise”

“Okay, so… you know how I’ve been hanging out with Luna lately?”

“Yeah?” How did that have anything to do with Harry?

“Well, she’s a great friend… I really love beeing with her - we’ve known each other since we were little kids - but, this last month, I’ve started to feel that it’s become… something deeper. And at the same time, with Harry, it’s like… We don’t talk, you know? And he… I just… Sometimes I feel like there’s something… I had a crush on him for all these years, but now that we’re actually together, that spark kinda vanished, you know?”

“Sorry,” I interrupted, “but you’re not making much sense. At all.” I smiled at her. “Keep rambling if that’s what it takes, but… is there a point to this?”

“Yes. Yes, there is.” She looked down, took a deep breath, and looked up again. “I think I might be gay.” 

All the jagged pieces in my mind finally fit together. Ginny spending more and more time with Luna, and less with Harry. Ginny having gone through several boyfriends and dumping them all, one after one. Dean, Michael Corner, that boy in the beginning of our sixth year. I realised Ginny was waiting for a reaction, so I smiled.

“That’s great. But - “ I started, but was interrupted.

“‘That’s great, but’, how all great statements start” 

“No, Ginny, really, it is great. I was just going to say that you’ll have to tell Harry”

“I have to, don’t I? The thing is, I wouldn’t have any problem with telling him that I was gay were it not for the fact that, you know, we’re together.”

“Yeah… I mean, he might not take it that well - he really likes you - but, it wouldn’t be right not to tell him. And while you’re together, you and Luna can’t… “ I paused. “You haven’t, have you?”

“No. I mean, I’ve wanted to, but I haven’t told her yet, and she knows I’m with Harry…” 

“You haven’t told her? Wait,” I frowned “Am I the first person you tell?”

“No, the second, actually. I have talked a lot with Charlie - he has these mirrors, you know, like the ones Harry and Sirius had? He gave one of them to me during the summer, and you know he’s aroace, so I thought he would know about… you know, the struggles of not being straight” She looked down, and I marveled at how calm she had stayed during this entire conversation… It couldn’t be easy for her. I leaned in to hug her.

“Hey, you’re doing great, okay?” She hugged me back, and we sat like that for a while, not saying anything. Then she yawned.

“I really have to sleep now”

“Okay, sis. See you tomorrow” I said, and vanished the silencing charms, walked over to my own bed, and put up new charms over there. For a while I thought about my conversation with Ginny. I would have to read up a bit on sexualities - I had heard Charlie mention this summer that he was aroace, but I was not really sure what it meant. Something about not feeling romantic love? Then my thoughts drifted to the conversation I had had with Parkinson. Who had called me Hermione… No, that was not the important part. She had said that I had been on the good side… Maybe she wished she had been, too. They couldn’t have had it easy, those Slytherins with Death Eaters for parents. I took a while before I calmed down enough to sleep. 


End file.
